Written By: Dr. Ernie Ward, Chief Veterinary Officer.
Even though our patients can’t talk, we must be excellent communicators to succeed in veterinary practice.
And you thought all you needed was to love animals and know medicine.
Connecting with clients (those pesky humans that accompany our patients), co-workers (often annoying folks in your clinic), and colleagues (irksome peeps you went to school or share the same credentials with) is a fundamental element of a successful career in veterinary medicine.
Psychologists label people able to connect, inspire, and lead as having “high emotional intelligence,” or “high EQ,” a term defined as “a set of skills hypothesized to contribute to the accurate appraisal and expression of emotion in oneself and others, the effective regulation of emotion in self and others, and the use of feelings to motivate, plan, and achieve in one's life.”
Recognizing, understanding, and appropriately acting upon both your own and the emotions of others is considered a rare and valuable asset.
How rare? According to a five-year research project published in Harvard Business Review, 95% of people think they’re self-aware, but only 10 to 15% are.
The great news is that you can improve your emotional intelligence and self-awareness with a little focus and effort.
I'll never forget the cold and wet mid-January 1995 when I first read Daniel Goleman’s groundbreaking book, “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.” I was 28, a couple of years into owning my first clinic and beginning to try new ways of running my business. Goleman’s book challenged how I saw myself, catalyzed my push into structured staff training, and ushered a renewed emphasis on communication skills (for my tiny team of three and me). It also redefined how I wanted to lead my team and shaped my relationship with my wife.
I credit much of my success to becoming more self-aware and working on my emotional intelligence as a young veterinary professional. And, before you ask, it’s an infinite work in progress. The journey, not the destination, is the reward for self-improvement.
While you’re beginning to do the hard work of self-reflection, self-regulation, empathy, motivation, and social skills, here are some phrases to help you build and strengthen relationships, reduce friction and conflict, and improve your job satisfaction.
1. “Could you tell me more about that?”
People who lack self-awareness aren’t interested in what other people say, think, or feel. Individuals with high EQ are interested in what others are going through and value their opinions. Try this phrase to encourage people to talk about their emotions and experiences and use their answers to understand their position better.
2. “I hear you.” or “I see what you mean.”
When you tell someone you understand them, you create a cooperative environment for team-building. Phrases like "I get what you're saying" signal that you genuinely listen and open communication lines.
3. “How do you feel about that?” or “How does that make you feel?”
When you pay attention, take time to understand, and make people feel acknowledged, you empathize with them. Try to put yourself in their position meaningfully to strengthen your EQ.
4. “I’m not sure I know what’s wrong. Could you explain the problem to me?”
With this phrase, you acknowledge that someone is having an issue, and rather than reacting negatively, you ask them to share their thoughts. Other alternatives include, "Can you clarify that for me?" or "What I'm hearing from you is [X]. Is that right?"
5. “You both make excellent points. Let’s see how we can work together.”
Conflict resolution is a classic characteristic of emotional intelligence. When you must arbitrate between two parties in conflict, try this phrase. The goal is to diplomatically work through friction points by recognizing different opinions. Once everyone has shared their concerns, you can work on solving the problem.
6. “This situation makes me (worried, concerned, confused, upset, etc.).”
When problems arise, high EQ individuals don’t focus on the person who caused it but on solutions. This phrase bypasses blaming someone and putting them on the defensive. You’re explaining your feelings about what happened, helping you avoid sounding passive-aggressive or antagonistic. It doesn't release the person from their role or responsibility, but it does help prevent it from happening again.
7. “I’m sorry.”
Humility is another common trait among people with high EQ. If you make a mistake, own it. Admit your mistakes and genuinely apologize to whoever deserves it.
8. “Thank you!”
Many of us were taught these magic words as kids, but sadly, they stopped saying them enough. Being appreciative and polite isn’t reserved for emotional intelligence; it’s a way to show others respect, leading them to regard you more favorably. Add “Please,” and “You’re welcome.” and you’ve completed the trifecta or terrific-ness.
Dr. Ernie Ward
Chief Veterinary Officer, VerticalVet